Endroit (endroit) wrote,

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the posits of two sides of the coin.

saturday nite. I fell into a deep hole. I basically drank myself to oblivion and proceeded to black out in public and spent sunday, for the better part, not trying to vomit all day. I dunno why I was triggered to such an outbreak of such pejorative behavior that I couldn't handle.

I'm sure the week I had last week really isn't that big of a deal but for me, it seem to be one of the worse I've experienced where I was hoping the new year could be the touchstone to something better. that doesn't mean I live on low hopes and traduce the wishes and hopes I began the year with. no, not at all.

the memory will just add to another nocent wound to my otherwise regular life.

Saturday started out with drinks and intent to have fun. but as the night progressed, something in me, decided that I did not want to remember the nite at all. the week I had previously, was emotionally devasting. I know its a loaded word to use but at the time, I felt a bit wounded by it all.

I know go into the details but rejection and helplessness were the themes of five events that pretty much threw me down in a whirlwind of fits. and rage. its easy to point out that many of these things can be fixed. but unfortunately, money is tight. one of my roommates still has no job and couldn't even afford to pay me the full rent and the utilities, therefore leaving me once again having to foot the bill. he plays video games. I work and tirelessly look for a job. a second job. my eyes hurt from staring at a computer screen for 7 hours a day. and emailing endless places looking for a job. from craigslist to monster to monstertrak to looking up job fairs and trying to find the listings to every major company listed in the bay area as far south as san jose. I look at Careerbuilder every day and send out resumes after resume. re work cover letters and try to find anywhere I can for employment opportunities.

I wish I could sleep till noon, play video games and read graphic novels. but I am far too desperate. I dunno how much longer I can keep paying more and more for the share. I did it all summer and lost $2,400 in the process. money, I should still have if it weren't for the month of June that drained me of all of my financial resources.

this is one of my problems. the other. was a more emotional thing. I kept it bottled up. but I really just wanted to say every obscenity I could think of. three rejections in 48 hours was difficult to handle. everyone around me knew I had an awful week. monday, tuesday and wednesday were difficult times to deal with.

but things will be okay I think. I hope. I work the next four days straight. so hopefully things will righten. I need to turn a page.

the band is shaping up. its my one high hope. my only problem is the ridiculous process of the band name.

to me, its non-issue. the name of the band isn't worth a bucket of warm spit. the music speaks for itself. the singer and bassist are all looking at names with 'meaning' and 'marketability' to me this all reeks of something underhanded and for the most part, I really don't care. we could be name THomas the Train and it wouldn't matter to me. if people hear the music.

to them, they're all about the first impression. thinking the name needs to trigger a curiosity and an interest that most people need to be enthralled by the name before deciding to listen to the song. I don't quite see it that way.

the name itself that I chose, its easy. it has a facsimile look to it that strikes curiosity and mis pronouncement all in one when one can easy look at it and see that they could pronounce it any way they want. how many other bands out there have ridiculous names and have made it big? a lot. so many.

the songs themselves have brought up something much more up to date.

Joe and I have about 16 songs total between the two of us. at the moment the only thing irks me the slow pace of the lyrics and bass accompaniment. while I'll try to write lyrics for the most part each song sounds like the harmony of something different or wildly out there.

at the moment. songs we have at completion are the following:

With All Those Miles To Go: this song I based off of a Robert Frost poem I once read. I was thinking of a melody to accompany the poem and voila! there came that song. its a rather wistful pop melody with a striking movement of chords that is played in my favorite key: E! I love the key of E. if I could write all of my songs in it, I would. but the song is our go to song. its pretty easy melodic and you can dance/rock out to it. its my favorite little foot stomper. and always will be.

Coverage and Factors this one of my least favorites. its a bit too fast and ultimately, it hurts my hands to play it. its a very high energy song but the harmony that I've heard, I'm not all that enthralled by. to me, as a stand alone instrumental, its already got strength to it. but we'll see. I've have not heard it all at once with a full band and microphone. so maybe it'll be different. it seems to be Joe's gem of the beginning sessions.

On the Roof Top I wasn't really into it in the beginning but when I heard a reworked verison, it quickly became one of my personal favorites of the band. it reminds me of Manic Street Preachers with its fast distortion laden, heavy on low notes on the scale and its somewhat danceability factor into it. I think it'll quickly become one of our openers and if I had to choose, it would be one of the lead songs on our eventual recordings.

Translation this one is my favorite. I dunno if its because it sounds like a song that the Walkmen wrote with Stan Getz and Astrid Gilberto or bc it sounds like some CSS wish they wrote. but there's a very happy melody to it that makes me dream of high school nites and the youth I wish I invested more into that I wasn't eager to leave behind.

Tawny I know this song is playing with fire. while my backers will note I wrote the song in November after I first met her. many others will think that I wrote it as a song to make a statement about a certain half asian woman I know by the name of tawny. This song is apparently the band favorite at the moment. anthemic and soaring all in one, its part Coldplay's 'the Scientist' part Arcade Fire 'Rebellion' and most Idlewild 'American English' in one single song. lyrically, its bittersweet. and mostly about a fantasy involving packing up and leaving for new york city. and leaving it all behind. I know what I was doing when I wrote it. but when we played the finished product last nite, I was keenly surprised by the two versions we came up with. we did an acoustic version of the song and we did a full band live version of the song. both sound terrific. each left a smile that God would leave across one's face.

on the backburner: we've got a radiohead-esque 'street spirit' song that Joe has been languishly writing for quite awhile and we've got two more fast movers and shakers that I am eager to finish up writing but I am currently reaching a deadlock on at the moment. mostly because each song sounds too similar to each other. there's the country stomper song I want to complete but I am meeting opposition to at the moment. some feel its too simple others feel it feels too much like a filler song. which is what it is.

I dunno else to say. but thats it for now.
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